"An Incurable Condition of Mankind"

Pages 1 - 3 of 176 Pages

The hour was dusk. This is not a good time to be alone. I was sitting with a chilled glass of white zinfandel, waiting to have dinner with a blind date. As usual, I had high expectations. He arrived early. A former priest, he is overweight, bald, and far from the definition of handsome as I was so led to believe. Is this a joke? He is not worth any recollection here beyond tacos eaten in great haste at an out-of-the way, Mexican restaurant selected by me in fear my vanity might meet someone I knew who would think this was a date. Feeling because my hopes for an eventful evening were dashed, afterwards I stopped at a neighborhood bar were I was quick to indulge in several beers. Within a matter of minutes I met Alex. He is twenty-two, blond hair, in a ballet dancer's body. My initial attraction was the way he filled out a pair of incredibly frayed, torn, and faded jeans. For one who places a high priority on the physical, this attire's holes discreetly positioned in all the right places more than roused a cursory interest.

Having over-imbibed on exceptionally potent sangria at dinner to block-out the immediate previous 'man-in-my-life,' I initially assumed the evidence of inebriation would have this young 'movie star' tell me to take a fast 'hike.' Instead, and a sober ego says not necessarily to my surprise given previous successes at 'scoring' in this state, he was more than willing to go home with me and not with allot of conversational foreplay. And, to make this short story minimal as regards foreplay, affection, holding one another and discussing the 'what do you do for a living' issues, at two this the morning I fucked his brains out.

Alex has the most beautiful ass, perfect for my tastes and for the greatest of lives pleasures : screwing! A red head, he'd been dyed on top, his body scent reminded me of two other fair-haired and recent conquests: Stephan, an "American Airlines" steward in Dallas, and Bill, a college professor in Philadelphia. I throw these names out as the images of past endeavors at procurement constantly return to me. I have not led a sheltered life!

Several times in the course of the evening, Alex said what a great body I had. This coming from a former member of "The American Ballet Theater"and someone who today was applying to be a fitness instructor at a health club, needless to say, I was very flattered. Finding him wonderful to hold, I being unable to keep my hands off his firm body, I thought 'What about Jack?,' my current partner for these attentions. What am I doing with this 'boy' when I am involved with someone else? Alex told me he liked older men and wanted "someone" in his life he could "take care of." The initial selection off this menu had me thinking I would certainly like to be that person, at least for the night. And why not? Jack lived in Indianapolis and I in Chicago.

I was off and running! I rounded the first bend in this new 'involvement' by Alex agreeing to stop by the apartment after his two-in-the-afternoon job interview. I told him I wanted to see him as I had some "unfinished business" to take care of. I knew he might not show up, and I, ever the optimist, would move on with my life. If he did appear, I would most definitely want a repeat of the previous evening. And this being a cloudy, rainy day, the climate was prefect for thinking about lovemaking. And how fulfilled my life was. Holding his body in my arms, knowing he would be next to me (his terminology was "spooning"), was more important than the knowledge he enjoys me having his desirable body to do with as I please.

Alex did show up as scheduled, and returned again later for am Italian dinner at "Spiaggi," breakfast this morning at the "Pancake House," and lunch out-of-doors at a favorite restaurant, "Hillary's." Needless to say, the past thirty-six hour's activities have left us with a hearty appetite. He will return tonight after his wait-job at a local singles bar. Throughout these escapades, we have said very nice things to one another. He has complimented my body, saying our sex was "one-hundred percent perfect," and "everything else had been more than perfect." He is young! I am flattered!

I have canceled out on Jack driving up to spend the weekend. I told Alex I had planned on having a "house-guest" but if he were here instead, I would gladly postpone the inevitable visit. His answer was very 'horizontal' in tone which translated into the extreme affirmative.

I am extremely attracted to his youth, innocence, sprit, body, energy and affection. What more is there? I am also, and at this recognized, premature juncture, 'fighting' wanting him to be here with me on a permanent basis.'Too soon,' my mind tells me. 'You're rushing the lad!' But at the same time, my heart asks 'Why so?' And my mind counters with 'Too early!' What scares me most about 'us,' is from the very beginning, after meeting my first two lovers, we spent every night together also. Now I am feeling I have 'met' Alex.

Alex again spends the night. He was a wonderful ' fuck,' and mentioned he'd told his friends he'd met this "fabulous man." One of them responded with "You've probably fallen 'in-love!'" He agreed. On hearing this, I told him "falling in love is easy, falling out of love is the hard part." To this he replied "You've put a black cloud over my feelings." I probably did. And, given my track record in this department, it is a 'black cloud' that must be considered.

Today is the last day of August. At age forty, time's passage should not be unexpected nor dwelled upon. Nor should Alex and I being together every night since we met. Nevertheless, last evening I cooked dinner for him and we then watched the movie "Aliens." The night before it was the film "About Last Night," followed by a grizzly burger at the local "Hamburger Hamlet," and then dancing at a gay discotheque.

I have already told Alex I love him, and at this point, I find myself thinking I would be lost without his presence. Again, I am forty years old asking the idiotic question:

'Are these to be thoughts of a mature, forty year old man?'

Indeed, I am in-love, he fulfilling a very special need within my life - the need not to be alone. I despise the sexual hunt, which aloneness predicates. When he reaches out to me, there is not one, I finding within myself the belief he may already be a captive for the long term. Or so I hope. I have given and said things to him much as I would to a lover, and I believe from what little I know about him, this will be reciprocated.

'Alex, I love you!'

There are times he is a boy, portraying a 'naivete' and making youthful, sometimes foolish moves only one who is not jaded would make. He has yet to complete his first trip around the block. Of his attributes, innocence is one of th e best. At twenty-two, he is also very much a man, in the willing offer of his love, his openness, and his honesty.

Copyright 2004

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